stain of disdain

I have the same job I've had since September, but my boss has changed. My old boss was promoted because she knows people in high places and because people who don't see how she acts behind closed doors respect her. She works hard, is anal, and strives to do the best possible job she can. She does a good job. My new boss works hard and strives to do the best possible job she can, too, but she is not insufferably anal. She is also nice, pleasant, and sociable. She also does a good job.

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In the past 2 months or so, I've had 2 dreams about my old insufferable boss. They have both centered upon me finally getting recognition and approval from her. In the dreams, she is warm and caring toward me and proud of me. I never realized I cared so much about being validated by her until I started having these dreams. The sense of pride and accomplishment that I feel when I have these precious moments with my old boss is immense. I imagine this must be the way that sons often feel about their fathers in the archetype of the emotionally distant father who the son desperately wants to make proud and hear utter the words, "good job, son."

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It amazes me that my old boss continues to permeate my psyche when a) I only worked for her for 4 months and b) it's been another 4 months since I stopped working for her. I wonder if her children are similarly starved for her approval. (I know her relationship with them can be rocky.)

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It also amazes me that my working relationship with my old boss is such that this dynamic exists in the first place. There's something twisted and wrong about a boss-subordinate relationship where the subordinate is made to feel desperately in need of validation from the boss. I'm typically a rather autonomous worker, and coddling from an employer I need not--disinterest is fine. Perhaps, however, it is the unmistakeable air of disdain that she emits to most all of her staff (except the chosen few) that is what engendered such desperation in me. Now, I guess I just need to flip that desperation to disinterest.