Cancer or VA Tech

It's been a long time since I have felt the need or desire to be comforted by my parents. Swaths of differences keep us emotionally separated, so once my needs evolved from a) a desire for sympathy due to a cold/headache to b) a desire for guidance or wisdom (which was probably around the age of 13), I found myself relying on other sources.

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Last week was extremely difficult at work. I couldn't eat, and yes, I shed some tears. I then surprised myself (this seems to happen often lately - recall: St. John suit) when I decided I wanted to call home at the end of the week to tell my parents about how awful things were going.

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I reiterate that my parents and I are not close--I don't keep them updated on my life outside of the big, completely unconcealable events, e.g., moving out of the state, starting school, etc. and the small, completely meaningless events, e.g., where I buy my groceries, because anything in the middle ground does nothing to my parents (read: my mother) but elicit disproportionate, if not completely unwarranted, worry, stress, or pity. [Note: my mother will find a reason to pity anything.]

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I called and told my mother (my dad gets almost everything 2ndhand) about my working life with uncharacteristic candor and a bit of reckless abandon, since I usually work hard to censor whatever I say to them. It was a time of need, and I wanted to unveil the truth because I was seeking something that I didn't think I could find elsewhere.

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I realize now that I was suffering from the very same feeling of helplessness that I felt as a child when I was sick. I wanted reassurance that I was OK. Unconditional pride in me as a person. It's been 15 years since I've had to turn to my parents, and this recent episode makes me wonder what it all means.

1. working in this field will turn you into an 8-year-old
2. that's what parents are for (is it? i wouldn't know)
3. the more things change the more things stay the same

Anyway, as to be expected, I, and my job, are now objects of great concern. It's said that a) I am going to turn into the VA Tech guy and b)the job is going to give me cancer.